A Little Update

A lot has changed since the last time I wrote on here. I made the decision to leave my school and not return to their sixth form in September. I’m moving house and going to a completely different school. One day I may divulge into it but for now I’ll say I’m both excited and nervous.

I have six GCSE exams left and been tired a lot of the time. I desire summer days so much. The freedom from having the need to prepare and perform the best I can academically will be gone.

I’ve missed this little place on the internet. Hopefully I’ll be back here soon.

Sometimes

Sometimes I find myself clinging onto what I thought I wanted to grow up to be even though I question whether it’s the career for me. Sometimes I feel if I let it go I would be lost. Sometimes I only hold onto it because I can’t think of an alternative. Sometimes I can’t prove to myself that it is the career for me.

What do you sometimes think about?

Listen To Your Body

 

I often find myself becoming tired after I’ve been working whether that is at school or at home. There appears to be a point where I can no longer work and be thoroughly productive. My body is too tired to carry on. Recently I’ve been noticing this and I’ve been trying to make the decision to stop working and take a break.

When I say ‘a break’ I don’t mean simply stopping for half an hour, I’m talking about something like taking the evening off and watching a film in bed.

I feel we so often find ourselves under the belief we must carry on. If we stop, we view it as being lazy. Sometimes we just become too tired, we require a significant break to rest and recuperate.

If you are in this position, remember it's okay to stop and take quite some time off.

Hope you had a good week and next week is even better!

A Needed Break

This half term I lost the ability to pick up a pen and face all of my school textbooks. All I wanted was to run away from work and act as if it didn’t exist. But the impending days of GCSE exams this summer lingered in my mind and so there were numerous times where I found myself yearning to absorb pages of books and equations. However I found myself too tired and done with work to carry out my wish. So I spent the majority of my week doing nothing related to work. It was really nice.

I spent days in and out of my home enjoying a life I had forgotten during mocks. There were still thoughts about GCSEs crawling around in my mind but I needed to have a break and I think so many others, who are in the same boat as I with exams approaching, needed to have one too. 

So I hope you have had a good week and next week is even better.

Things On My Mind

There’s something so pleasing with the prospect of being able to stop doing the same subjects which I’ve wanted to brush under the door for so long. I don’t think I’ve ever said here in the space that I wasn’t the biggest fan of any science or modern language.

But somehow the more I think about what I want to take for a level in less than six months, the more I’m questioning whether the subjects, which I have disliked, if I still do. I’m now at a point where I’m spending time on these subjects and actually enjoying them with the exception of physics. It all shocks me.

I can’t quite believe I’m considering taking a science or maths when those subjects have always been the ones I’ve frowned upon. For so long now it’s been English and history without doubt but now I’m unsure. Part of me wishes I could do a little of each.

Anyway I hope you had a good week and next week is even better!

An Interaction

Snow crystals chime against each other as the wind carries a dusting of snow across the streets. Footprints lie across the sheets of snow. Children’s laughs come from nearby. His eyes search for mine but I deliberately stare out towards the station of sea. I can feel the redness scattering across my cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” the boy stutters. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

I try to steady my voice as I can feel itching in my throat, which I receive when I’m nervous. “It’s fine” I cough out as I strengthen my legs and bring them out from under me to stand up. His hand rests in the air above my head, waiting for me to take. A cloud seethes from my mouth and hangs in the air as I pause. I hesitantly take his and lift my body up from the darkened grass by my weight.

“I’m so sorry” he laughs.

“It’s honestly fine. No broken bones,” I mutter while brushing off any dust on my legs. “Well, see you.” He bows his head and moves in the other direction to my still statue.   

 

Honestly I'm not exactly sure what this is about. I began writing with just two strangers in mind interacting but then I wasn't sure where to take it. Anyway I hope you have had a good week and next week is even better.

Less Than 24 Hours By The Coast

Can you spot the trail of birds?

And can you spot the moon?

 

The sea has been out of my reach for so long as the line-up of mocks built a locked gate that I could not open until one of the last exams. Last Friday I sat down, wrote until they said stop and left the hall with a sore, used hand but with the plans to experience things that had been gone from my mind for a week or two.

 

Saturday contained a birthday surprise for a few of my friends and singing along to a number of films. A minute after ten I squeezed into my parents’ car and we drove up to the coast through the shower of unexpected snow. The next day after being wrapped up in bed, we ventured out to the sea, which I had missed so much. As you can see above I’m a bit rusty with taking proper photos out and about but hopefully I will have loads more opportunities in the next few months to practise taking photos.

Anyway I hope you have had a good week and next week will be even better.  
 

Craving Something New

During my main GCSE mock exam week I was slightly restricted from leaving my house as the need to revise lingered. But the craving to see something new loitered.

Every day the sky provided me with something new, something beautiful. I captured a few of the days and thought you may like to see.

 

One Last Goodbye To 2015

 

 

started 2015 with friends | spent hours wheeling around a cart full of leaflets to deliver to post boxes as my ‘first’ job | spent hours chatting with old neighbour | cut a load off of my hair | stayed up to late hours talking about anything in my history dorm with friends | had the opportunity to visit the WW1 battlefields | went skiing | walked down a beach at night | had a late night adventure to an old train station | last sports day | dressed up as a sixth former for a day | slept in a tent with friends for a night | took so many tubes around London with a friend | ventured out to a yacht harbour at night | spent an afternoon walking around somewhere I had never been | made a visit to somewhere in my town that I had never been before | spent a whole day with friends watching films non-stop | walked along the beach in our pyjamas at night | took a friend sailing for their first time | every day for a week went somewhere new | saw the sun set too many times to count | picked up my GCSE results | visited a completely new town | found my inner eight year-old self with a friend | had a picnic in a wood with friends | strolled all the way around London with friends | miraculously won bowling once | started the new school year | had a geography trip to Wales | discovered a beautiful place | walked and camped for three days | spent a day in London for Mum’s birthday | dressed up for Halloween from clueless with a friend & spent a night sleeping in a living room | received hand-made bunting from a close friend which I still can’t express how grateful and appreciative I am for | spent many Sunday afternoon’s at my aunties cuddled up on the sofa under a blanket | performed in my school’s panto | danced a lot | went ice skating for the first time | spent the Christmas period with my family | met my cousin’s baby | ended 2015 with friends

Even though it’s been over a week into 2016 I just wanted to look back at 2015 one last time. Above are a few photos and a collection of phrases and words that reflect a lot of my past year. I'm incredibly grateful for all I experienced and received in 2015. Bring on 2016.  

I hope you have had a good week and next week is an even better one. Thank you for reading this.

Happy New Year

Last year I wrote a post during the New Year period about my resolutions. The way I wrote and what I wrote is not from the same person sitting here typing these words. I’ve grown and changed so significantly in the last year. Honestly I don’t think we ever stop growing and I don’t want to stop.

The person who wrote that post a year ago was me but the person sitting here now, the ‘now’ me, no longer craves a plan for the New Year. Now I seek to take each day as a new opportunity, a new chance, to discover, to travel, to make new mistakes, to learn from these mistakes and to grow. And I’ve come to realise its ok to not have a plan.

Saying this though I am one who yearns to write a ‘to do’ list or any list in fact for I have found stability in planning in the past. But in the last year things that I haven’t planned or known to have desired have been some of the best things to have occurred in my life.

So from now onwards I want to solely embrace every single day as much as I can. Happy New Year!